Though fashionable, it seems odd to me that author bios are written in the third person. Did they hire a biographer in hopes of embellishing a, generally speaking, set of mundane, historical facts? You know, they were born, went to school, got married, cats and dogs, etc. Maybe they thought it was narcissistic to do it themselves. I would argue the opposite. Or maybe they anticipated their own posthumous career and planned accordingly. Either way, I will break tradition and tell you about myself, myself.

I was born and raised in Southern California, where they rip out your conscience at birth to keep you from being unduly burdened as you navigate your way through life. I did go to school, but honestly I didn’t pay attention. I think it’s because no one ever sat me down and told me why I was there.

I moved around a bit. First as a misguided youth and later with the army. No less misguided, but under orders. Iowa, Hawaii, Georgia, North Carolina, Maryland. I passed through quite a few other states, often on a Greyhound bus for no good reason. I’ve never been to New York, but that’s because I met someone from New York.

I now live in Australia. I am married and have two cats. Which is two cats too many.

Who knows where I’ll end up. “It's a dangerous business, Frodo, going out your door. You step onto the road, and if you don't keep your feet, there's no knowing where you might be swept off to.”